Part 3: I’m not a good Christian. I’m just me.

Why in the World Would We Go (back) to Haiti

It’s pretty simple, really.  When we repented of our sins and claimed Jesus as our Lord, the Holy Spirit came to live within us.  Literally!  How weird is that, right?!  But it’s true.  In the past couple of years, we have sought to know Him better.  As a result, with much more clarity and volume, we started hearing that still, small voice of the Holy Spirit within us, guiding us to do the things God wants us to do.  Oh, have no doubt, God doesn’t need us at all to do the stuff He wants accomplished.  But we’re His kids, and He loves to do things with us.  He’s our heavenly Daddy, after all.  We have FINALLY figured out that the greatest joy in life is not to live it for ourselves, but to live it pursuing Jesus.  We are seeking to deeply understand His heart, to love what He loves, to live like He lived in the flesh. 

And we will fail.  Miserably.  Repeatedly.  Because we are only human.  But that will not stop us.  The Creator of the heavens and earth hasn’t given up on me yet, so I’m going to keep on trying to do what He asks me to.  God promised it won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it.  Other promises of His that I carry close to my heart: He’ll never leave or forsake me, He’ll never give me more than I can handle,  and He loves me like crazy (more than I can even comprehend).  One more little promise that I keep tucked away in my pocket: worst case scenario - if I lose my life serving Him – to die is gain.  This world is not our home.  This life is just a blink of the eye compared to eternity.  And it’s going to be one sweet ride once I get into that eternity seat. 

So why waste a minute?  Why waste an opportunity?  Why worry?  Why not just do what Jesus has asked me to do?  Why not pursue a life that is (now and eternally) fulfilling? 

Most certainly, I never would have heard His voice if I hadn’t pursued getting to know Him better and fallen in love with my Lord.  Sure, sure, I’ve had guidance by the Spirit many times over the years.  I’ve even heard Him call me to do some fairly radical things (like becoming a foster parent and adopting).  But until recently, I’ve not been in love with my Father enough to quit living my life for me.  Still, some days I get lazy and revert back to my selfish ways.  Again, I’m only human – and forgiven, thankfully.  Living a life in pursuit of Jesus requires intentional effort.  By His grace alone I am living intentionally.  I desired to pursue Him and asked for His help.  He has done the rest.

Why would God want me and Brennon to go to Haiti?  I don’t know.  Seriously.  But here’s what I do know: God has knitted us together and built a beautiful marriage in us.  He has shaped our hearts to be filled with compassion for the orphan, the oppressed, the hurting, and the lost.  He has given us sight to recognize beauty in things unfamiliar.  He has given us the ability to rest in faith, to know that He is in control.  He has allowed us to go through many trials and pain in order to strengthen us and to prepare us for the tougher challenges ahead.  He has given both of us spiritual gifts that are uniquely ours.  And He’s taken care of so many details to get us to where we are now. 

I can’t explain how I knew that God wanted me to go to Haiti.  It was not an audible voice, though that sure would have made it much easier.  It was like a gut feeling, but way more intense.  It was a passion that made no logical sense and had no obvious benefit to myself.  It was a consuming fire within my heart that I could not ignore.  And as the day of departure grew near, I thought my heart would burst open with anticipation and excitement.  What was I excited for?  I had no idea!  But by being obedient, God was assuring me that I was on the right path and flooded me with a joy like I’ve never felt before.

Next:  Looking Back